...you know how I told you about what I used to be in service to, and how I felt like the best way to love the world was to put it out of its misery, more or less?
[ she sort of glumly rests her chin on Glory's shoulder. ]
Someone very similar to me except worse is metaphysically bonded to their soul and shoved them headfirst into feeling the pull of Oblivion and then gave them orders to help them kill the world that they couldn't disobey.
...it definitely wasn't me, I'm sure of that, but it's—uncomfortably close to home. Both because I understand how that feels, and because I did some truly terrible things before I went renegade.
Well. That's not the part that makes it my responsibility.
The part that's my responsibility is that when they asked me to be the one who holds their leash, metaphorically, I said yes due to... a bunch of things that make sense if you're crazy, probably.
Which is to say, they'll listen to me if I order them. I just—don't like giving orders.
So? I could have shot them in the head the moment they started talking to Raven. I shot them in the house.
...Probably you ordering them to stop would have been a better idea than that, and maybe it would have been better than what actually happened. But we can't say for sure, and either way that doesn't make it your fault they escalated in the first place.
Oh, I definitely think they do. They're only good at making conflict worse and need to learn how to relate to people in ways aside from "intimidation" or "heavy-handed flirting." I just always feel like I bear personal responsibility for everything that happens around me on some level.
[ wait, that last sentence was more candid than she intended ]
...uh. I think this might have done something after all.
[a little hesitantly, like she's not sure what words are going to come out of her mouth even as she says them:]
I just hate the double standard. Sometimes it feels like... the kind of person who acts really obviously on instinct and emotion can't possibly be expected to do otherwise, while someone who looks like they're more cool and rational is expected to both keep themselves under control and be able to handle those people however is best. And, if someone's really obvious when they're hurt, they get sympathy, but if they have to put effort into communicating it, it's not actually important and they're just trying to make things about themselves... That kind of thing.
That's definitely true, and sometimes I wish I wasn't taught to be so tightly-controlled with my emotions, because it makes it hard to tell people when something hurts me, and I wonder if that's really fine? Even if I don't actually want to cause a fuss most of the time.
...or rather, when I'm not keeping a lid on my emotions, I don't really like the things I do and also think it's odd if people don't hold me accountable for it, so I definitely understand what you mean, I think.
His wound, you mean? I think that's less to do with what happened, though that's obviously part of it, and more issues with his body in general... That's what I'm most concerned about physically, definitely. We patched him up, but I'm not sure there's going to be a permanent solution that doesn't involve... doing something more for his physical form than whatever happened when he separated from Vergil.
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Re: Day 282, kissing game
...you know how I told you about what I used to be in service to, and how I felt like the best way to love the world was to put it out of its misery, more or less?
Re: Day 282, kissing game
[a little concerned about how this is going to be related]
Re: Day 282, kissing game
Someone very similar to me except worse is metaphysically bonded to their soul and shoved them headfirst into feeling the pull of Oblivion and then gave them orders to help them kill the world that they couldn't disobey.
...it definitely wasn't me, I'm sure of that, but it's—uncomfortably close to home. Both because I understand how that feels, and because I did some truly terrible things before I went renegade.
Re: Day 282, kissing game
[actually she's not sure she totally does see, but she at least sees some things]
Even if you can understand and empathize, though, that doesn't make it your responsibility.
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The part that's my responsibility is that when they asked me to be the one who holds their leash, metaphorically, I said yes due to... a bunch of things that make sense if you're crazy, probably.
Which is to say, they'll listen to me if I order them. I just—don't like giving orders.
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...Probably you ordering them to stop would have been a better idea than that, and maybe it would have been better than what actually happened. But we can't say for sure, and either way that doesn't make it your fault they escalated in the first place.
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I guess all this is just a very long way to say "sorry about what may or may not be my dog."
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[ wait, that last sentence was more candid than she intended ]
...uh. I think this might have done something after all.
Re: Day 282, kissing game
[a little hesitantly, like she's not sure what words are going to come out of her mouth even as she says them:]
I just hate the double standard. Sometimes it feels like... the kind of person who acts really obviously on instinct and emotion can't possibly be expected to do otherwise, while someone who looks like they're more cool and rational is expected to both keep themselves under control and be able to handle those people however is best. And, if someone's really obvious when they're hurt, they get sympathy, but if they have to put effort into communicating it, it's not actually important and they're just trying to make things about themselves... That kind of thing.
Re: Day 282, kissing game
...or rather, when I'm not keeping a lid on my emotions, I don't really like the things I do and also think it's odd if people don't hold me accountable for it, so I definitely understand what you mean, I think.
...Raven's really not doing well, is he.
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...like he's starting to die?
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Yeah, I think so. We had a pep use Energy Recharge, which helped, but that also seems temporary.
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Fuck.
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We have some ideas, but... none of them are good.
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Sorry. Not much of a kissing mood...
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This is fine, too, anyway.
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