20K QUESTION MEME

[rollplayinghouse]

Over 20k comments!! Question meme time!

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[carnivorouscarnival]

CR updates for meee.

[rollplayinghouse]

I actually started thinking about my response to your meme but then I forgot. But that's still how things are framed in my head so this will be in the context of that.

The easiest way to summarize Maki's feelings towards Man Eater is to talk about a thing she said to Intensity recently. She was complaining (again) about how much she wants someone she can work together with, who she can support and count on to support her in return, and one of the things Intensity commented on was "when did you decide that Man Eater didn't met your bar?" And Maki's response was that she didn't decide that Man Eater didn't meet her bar, Man Eater decided that Man Eater didn't meet her bar.

Maki has always felt like Man Eater was comfortable to interact with, and easy for her to relate to, especially since some of their first conversations were about him having some of the exact problems that she'd had, with being defined as an efficient assassin vs. having feelings for people, that most people didn't understand very well. Obviously he had a different perspective on it than her and they had some arguments about it, but she didn't feel any particular conflict over it because a) she had the same perspective as him at one point, and b) she reads him a bit like Intensity in that he says he's a murderer and doesn't care about people and will give them up at a drop of a hat but by all available evidence he appears to be just as close to people as she is, so she doesn't especially believe that his words reflect reality. So even when they weren't particularly close, Man Eater has always felt like a bit of a kindred spirit, and he has always been the person on ZRAEL she feels closest to and most similar to.

That said, she never really expected to be able to rely on him for emotional support. (To be fair, Maki wouldn't expect anyone to rely on her for emotional support, due to being bad at emotions, so she just puts Man Eater in the same bucket.) However! After her live where she fought with Intensity, and after she came back to ZRAEL fought with Ashley and Doodle and Req and was sad and drained and unhappy and the rest of the unit all went off to various places with each other, it was Man Eater who actually focused on her and invited her to his room and hugged her an told her Intensity wasn't going to be mad forever. This was both completely unexpected from him and a huge relief when so many of the other people she would have expected to rely on to support wouldn't/didn't support her. And so it was really important to her!

And that was a lot of why she went to talk to him again after she talked to Intensity. And why she expressed her concerns that Intensity was going to do something stupid while he was mad at her. (She did also have the same conversation with King, but King was basically just like "eh you can't really stop Intensity when he's going to do something stupid," so she hoped she'd have better luck with Man Eater.)

Obviously that didn't... go as well. It had genuinely not even occurred to Maki that Man Eater might be jealous of her relationship with Intensity (I think she suspected he might be jealous of the wedding stuff specifically, which is how she learned he was even involved with Intensity, but there's a big gap between "I wish he'd romantically swept me off onto a dragon," which is something Maki would definitely have felt in his position, and "You're the one he cares about I'm just a fun fling," which Maki cannot imagine is true.)

She... knows he's jealous after that conversation, but obviously she figured it out a bit late. Add that to Man Eater basically telling her he was not good enough at feelings to help her with what she was asking, and that's two big obstacles to feeling like she can genuinely get close with and rely on him. She doesn't actually think Man Eater's relationship with Intensity is less important than hers (or vice versa), and she doesn't actually think Man Eater is incompetent at feelings (he's been able to support her and clearly others), but it doesn't matter what she says or thinks if Man Eater thinks those things.

So...! Maki relates very deeply with Man Eater, appreciates him being there for her, and would like to be closer with him, but she feels like she can't, as things currently stand. Which leads to things like telling Intensity to just go with Man Eater after the space game and then sulking about it. From Maki's perspective she would have liked to be with either or both of them!! But clearly Man Eater would not appreciate having her around. So. She is dissatisfied with the situation but doesn't know how to change it.


Tell me about Man Eater's current ZRAEL feelings!!