Morning☆Glory (Harukawa Maki) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rollplayinghouse) wrote2019-12-31 04:46 pm
rollplayinghouse) wrote2019-12-31 04:46 pm
End-of-year question meme
You know the drill! Ask a question, and I will answer it and ask one back! CR, meta questions, etc., all are good!
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King has become very important to Maki, and between Betrayal, monster bingo, her sex dream, and associated fallout she feels like she has finally more or less communicated to King that this is the case. It only required being possessed by a crazy love ghost and murdering him, no-air-required underwater makeouts, and more or less explicitly saying "yes I want to have sex with you, let's have sex." Progress!!
Since then, all their recent interactions have made her happy. Him being cute about the fashion show fanmail made her happy. Being willing to stage a dramatic mistletoe kiss made her happy. Christmas presents made her very happy; Maki is very taken by receiving gifts in general and King... may actually be the first person who has gifted her handmade sweets? AND HE WORKED HARD TO LEARN. Even things like reflecting on their wedding makes her extra happy.
She is, in fact, happy enough that she's started to become worried about it, in a way that is coming out a bit in the current thread about C, among other insecurities. THERE ARE TWO MAJOR REASONS FOR WORRY:
1) Maki has not really had great luck with relationships in general. When has she ever had a good relationship with emotional support that made her happy and didn't descend into dysfunctionality and frustration (Joker/A) or that she didn't fuck up maybe-irreparably (she is still not sure she can ever properly make Intensity trust her again). Never. Never once has this happened. So she's a bit subconsciously waiting for the other shoe to drop.
2) Intensity. As she mentioned in their "so let's talk about that sex dream" thread, she doesn't think her having sex with King would change anything with Intensity, but mostly because she thinks Intensity already has pretty high-key resentment/jealousy over her and King, and that he either assumes they've been having sex the whole time or (closer to how Maki approaches things) that the physical act of sex is mostly irrelevant to his feelings about King and Maki being close. This is not a situation that Maki is happy with! And the closer Maki gets with King the more she doesn't like this situation. However Intensity has repeatedly refused to talk about King and/or dismissed attempts at reassurance or trying to figure out what she can do to make him feel better about it. So she doesn't know what to do about it. IN HER IDEAL WORLD they could all be a happy threesome, but that still seems so far off the table it's in another room entirely. But even happy threesome aside, she feels "just ignore it" is not a long-term solution to the tension here, and either they're going to have to come to some resolution or it's going to explode (MORE THAN IT DID ALREADY WITH BETRAYAL). And she also doesn't have a great track record ending up with the non-exploding option.
HOWEVER those are mostly subconscious worries since those are at this point theoretical concerns. When it comes to actual conscious actions, Maki is extremely comfortable with King and feels like their relationship is quite solid, now. Her "I rely on him more than he even notices" and "I'm way more into him than he's into me" insecurities have not been eliminated, but they have been substantially reduced. She's a lot more confident asking him for things and flirting and not feeling like she's going to overstep her bounds at any point.
NEW COMMENT FOR SABRE PENDING
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Maki likes Sabre! And she finds her very easy to deal with. Her feelings are very transparent and understandable to Maki, even if she's trying (not well) to hide them. Maki can explains things in her practical way and Sabre gets it even if she thinks it's dumb. And her... language of affection? appears to be very compatible with Maki's, in that she doesn't appear to want a lot of overt explicit expressions of affection that are hard for Maki, and is satisfied with things like... food, and quiet companionship/understanding. So overall, Maki is comfortable around her and pretty confident that she can support her.
On the flip side though, Sabre is definitely still in "unit baby who I must support" category. Maki wouldn't expect Sabre to understand Maki's feelings, or to like... be someone she can rely on. Maki has some lingering Betrayal feelings herself, because she... also felt very alone in the house, and a bit abandoned. Some of Maki's speech about how you can't just expect the unit to magically work for you was in fact because she feels like Sabre's demands are one-sided in a way that pings on Maki's previous ZRAEL frustrations, where she felt like she was expected to be there to support and accommodate everyone but she couldn't expect any support or accommodation herself.
The unit baby feelings has also cut back some of the other Thing, which is that it's kind of awkward that Maki started liking and wanting to get to know Kohime right before Sabre showed up. They feel like very different people to Maki now so there's less of an awkward feeling about it. But still some.
REVERSE FOR BOTH.