IMEEJI INBOX

[rollplayinghouse]

Comments

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[He just laughs at that question]

Faith.

[rollplayinghouse]

[makes a face]

I'm not really a fan of faith.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

Neither am I.

But that's why I think there is a real war going on out there.

[rollplayinghouse]

Why is that?

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

Nothing I want to talk about out on the streets.

But do think about what that means.

[rollplayinghouse]

...Alright.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[Glances over at her after a moment]




I'm not dismissing you.

[rollplayinghouse]

...I know. I'll think about it. We can talk more later.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

...

Have you remembered anything outside of the school?

[rollplayinghouse]

...

No. Not directly, still. But I haven't taken any more memories since... the one.

Do you have an idea about what that means?

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

That they really curate your memory experience around here.

Or you died before you remembered anything prior to entering the murder school.

[rollplayinghouse]

[shakes her head once]

I said "not directly." I do remember telling stories from my childhood. How I became an assassin... why I claimed to be the "Ultimate Child Caregiver." How I botched an assassination mission with a katana once, and stopped using swords. So I vaguely remember all of that happening, just... only secondhand.

We all remembered almost everything, at the time. The only memories we were missing, that we were supposed to get back with the Flashback Lights, were how we ended up in the school. What happened immediately prior.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

And in those secondhand memories -- you hadn't met anyone you met at the school, correct? Had anyone?

Were you all strangers to each other?

[rollplayinghouse]

Mm. None of us had met each other as far as I know.

Though, it's possible some of us knew of each other. I think the inventor and the maid were pretty well known.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

So what? Do you think something else is going on behind the scenes?

...

Even though you've taken more memories than me, how many can it be? I've taken 5, and none of them have been before I turned sixteen.

[rollplayinghouse]

I've bought fifteen memories. X has gotten at least six... C buys them privately, but I'd bet he's somewhere in between. None of them have been before the killing game, and I doubt that spanned more than a couple of months at most. I didn't get the impression we went a long time being murders.

...I don't know what to think about it. Maybe they're just focusing on the dramatic parts of our lives when they give us memories back, but I haven't even remembered an assassination. You think they'd enjoy splashing something like that up on a screen.

The only thing I can think is... there's something off about what we remembered from before. With the Flashback Lights and everything, they had definitely wiped some of our memories, and were trying to guide us to believe what they wanted about them by feeding us back tiny bits... Maybe it would spoil something big if we remembered firsthand.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

So you think you might actually have double amnesia?

Or an altered past?

[rollplayinghouse]

...At the very least, an intentionally edited past.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

And if that were true...?

[rollplayinghouse]

[considers]

Well... I'd like to know the truth of everything that happened. But I'm not sure how much it matters, at this point.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

Does that truth even matter anymore?

If you lived there. If you died.

Even if you hadn't got stuck in that school, would you want to go back to that life before?

[rollplayinghouse]

No. I haven't wanted to go back from the beginning. And it's not about living or dying.

...Maybe I'm just being too cowardly. Wanting there to be... something to base myself on...? Wanting to know who I was. What I'd do. And wanting some common ground with other people.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

You already base enough of yourself on who you were in that school. And have made some of the same choices you did then without remembering them.

So what exactly do you hope to discover about yourself that you can't forge on your own now?

[rollplayinghouse]

That's not it either.

It's like... Imagine if I was trying to forge a knife. Even if I had to change or re-purpose it, it would probably be easier if I already had a decent blade to work with, and if there were people I could collaborate with who were working with the same materials... right? It's a start, and I could see mistakes and things I don't want and correct for them.

But that's not how it is now. I can't be confident that what I have isn't missing some really crucial pieces. I don't understand why it's put together the way it is. The people with the same kind of blade don't exchange information with me. And sure, maybe I could just make myself a new knife alone, from raw steel, and maybe there's no reason that couldn't be just as good or better. But it still scares me to be doing that... especially when everyone else has plenty of raw materials.

Even if you don't particularly care about memories, you do still have some foundations, right? Your card game, Blue Eyes... King...

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

That analogy only holds if you want to see yourself as a tool useful to other people.

And my situation is an exception. So is yours. Most people here don't have people from their home world. At least in my unit. Or if they did, they're gone.