[Some of the tension goes out of her muscles, but if she wasn't still half pressed against him that would be hard to tell, since she doesn't otherwise move, her eyes fixed on his collarbone rather than meeting his eyes.]
I trust you. I trust you with my life, and with my heart, and with more of myself than you want me to give you, really. And that just makes me trust you more.
What trust do you want...? Trust me to not probe feelings you don't want to talk about? Trust that you know all my relationships, and that you beat them?
I'm trying, for the first thing. Because I know I've messed it up. But I can't promise I won't stumble across them.
And as for the second... you do beat them. Anyone. I'll tell you more, later, because I know it's easy to wonder what's happening when you don't know. But really, it doesn't matter who it is. I told you, there's no point even comparing.
Let's not aim for the sky while we're still crawling through the mud.
We can start with a more realistic goal and work from there. After a bad game, I want to be treated how you treat other people who've just gone through a bad game. No interrogations. And no starting stupid arguments over nothing.
When people have had a bad game I ask them what happened. I make sure they've checked with the people they care about. I tell them they don't need to act like a bad game is no big deal. I invite them over if they need. But you clearly don't want those things.
I really am trying not to interrogate you or start stupid arguments. I didn't think I was doing that. You can keep saying that, but if I don't understand why what I did was a problem I can't stop it from happening again.
[Voice still mostly even, but distress is edging in again.]
No. It isn't. I know that. And we talked about that, and I told you I was going to do better. And I was. I promise it's not that I don't understand the problem.
Why you think what happened after this last game was anything like those other times! Why you think you still can't trust me because I was doing the exact same thing I screwed up before, when as far as I can tell I did the opposite!
I didn't push you, I didn't tell you to be honest with me. I didn't try to talk about it. I let you leave and have your space. I treated you exactly like you just asked to be treated.
I just wanted to keep King company, and even though you'd just told me you didn't care, I invited you to come with us. I wasn't doing that to force feelings out of you. It just seemed like it would be nice if we could all spend time together. Apparently I was wrong!
[She's not expecting that at at all, and her her wrist twists a little when it hits the ground as she catches herself awkwardly. She doesn't react much to it, though, just lingers where she fell without responding.]
[There's a tense silence for a few seconds, and her face shifts fractionally a few times as she tries to figure out what emotion she's feeling and what to do about it.
When she finally moves, she's on her feet in a split second, both hands reaching out to grip his now-intact shirt.]
It's not about winning. And you're not a loser. I don't care if I was right, or logical.
[—She shakes her head once, sharply, as if to clear it, and takes a slow breath.]
...Then, what if I put it this way...? That's not the game I'm playing. I'm not trying to get one over on you. I'm not trying to prove to you you're wrong. My victory condition is a lot different than that, and this isn't any closer to it.
Sure, a little bit. You try to provoke me all the time too. But I told you, I didn't think you'd be that pissed off. I thought you'd give it your hour to save face before coming to ZRAEL, then grab King and me and drag us off to do whatever you wanted to do.
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I trust you. I trust you with my life, and with my heart, and with more of myself than you want me to give you, really. And that just makes me trust you more.
What trust do you want...? Trust me to not probe feelings you don't want to talk about? Trust that you know all my relationships, and that you beat them?
I'm trying, for the first thing. Because I know I've messed it up. But I can't promise I won't stumble across them.
And as for the second... you do beat them. Anyone. I'll tell you more, later, because I know it's easy to wonder what's happening when you don't know. But really, it doesn't matter who it is. I told you, there's no point even comparing.
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We can start with a more realistic goal and work from there. After a bad game, I want to be treated how you treat other people who've just gone through a bad game. No interrogations. And no starting stupid arguments over nothing.
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When people have had a bad game I ask them what happened. I make sure they've checked with the people they care about. I tell them they don't need to act like a bad game is no big deal. I invite them over if they need. But you clearly don't want those things.
I really am trying not to interrogate you or start stupid arguments. I didn't think I was doing that. You can keep saying that, but if I don't understand why what I did was a problem I can't stop it from happening again.
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Funny. I remember things very differently,
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No. It isn't. I know that. And we talked about that, and I told you I was going to do better. And I was. I promise it's not that I don't understand the problem.
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I didn't push you, I didn't tell you to be honest with me. I didn't try to talk about it. I let you leave and have your space. I treated you exactly like you just asked to be treated.
I just wanted to keep King company, and even though you'd just told me you didn't care, I invited you to come with us. I wasn't doing that to force feelings out of you. It just seemed like it would be nice if we could all spend time together. Apparently I was wrong!
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Because in Intensity's mind, it was a power play. And masterfully pulled off.
She knew him well enough to predict his actions, counter them expertly, back him into a corner, and then ultimately fold.
What's it like to not see everything as a duel? Intensity sure doesn't know. And he sure isn't going to admit any of that out loud, so---
What to do when you're emotionally incompetent?]
Apparently!
[And tries to shove her off him]
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Guess there's a first time for everything.
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[Maki shifts to her knees, but doesn't stand.]
What do you mean?
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Congratulations.
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[quiet, but confused and incredulous]
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What didn't you win in this situation?
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Nothing about this is right.
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When she finally moves, she's on her feet in a split second, both hands reaching out to grip his now-intact shirt.]
It's not about winning. And you're not a loser. I don't care if I was right, or logical.
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Everything is about winning, Maki.
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[—She shakes her head once, sharply, as if to clear it, and takes a slow breath.]
...Then, what if I put it this way...? That's not the game I'm playing. I'm not trying to get one over on you. I'm not trying to prove to you you're wrong. My victory condition is a lot different than that, and this isn't any closer to it.
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Because you seem very assured that you did exactly what you wanted to do.
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