IMEEJI INBOX

[rollplayinghouse]

Comments

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

Making sure your punishments didn't overlap?

[rollplayinghouse]

Among other things, yeah.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[. . .

He really really really doesn't want to have this conversation]

Great. Wonderful.

Then everything is just peachy keen, isn't it?

[rollplayinghouse]

It clearly isn't.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

Well then what do you want me to say?

[rollplayinghouse]

...I want you to tell me what you want.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[He opens his mouth. Closes it. Many seconds pass as multiple answers are thought, considered, but then ultimately discarded.

Finally, he goes with:]

I want to be able to trust you again. And this--- this isn't helping.

1/2

[rollplayinghouse]

[She flinches visibly.]

[rollplayinghouse]

[And swallows hard a few times before she manages a response.]

...I'm sorry. I could have told you King and I were closer before. And I got annoyed when you didn't tell me the truth about the game, and I was being kind of pointed about it by taking King to ZRAEL.

I wasn't trying to hurt you, though. Without King being there after my live I'm not sure I'd have pulled myself together. And after this game, I wanted you to come with us. Because I knew you were worried about him too, and because I wanted both of you there.

I want you to be able to trust me too, but I need... to know what you're trusting me to do.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[There is a flicker of multiple emotions across his face she speaks, but it settles back to his normal annoyed/angry/judging look by the time she finishes]

Kind of?

I didn't want to talk about it.

Why isn't that a good enough reason for you?

[rollplayinghouse]

It was a fine reason! I know I don't deserve to push you on talking about things right now, so I didn't! And you walked away!

Then King told me he wasn't sure where to go, so I invited him to ☆ZRAEL. The only thing I did that was kind of pointed was ask if you didn't have other things to do before you came with us. But I figured you'd give it an hour and then come over and drag us both away wherever you wanted, not that you'd be so angry and weird about it that you'd never show up!

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[Laughs. Humorlessly]

Well surprise. I was angry and weird about it.

So what's your next move?

[rollplayinghouse]

[takes a rough breath]

...I don't know. You're still angry, and I'm still not sure I understand exactly why.

I'll tell you if I end up with anyone else. But it's not like I pick up someone anytime you're upset with me. King is the first person I've done anything like this with. Man Eater and I have kissed a couple of times, I guess, but that's... different. I can stop that if you want. But, like I said, I can't avoid doing things with someone if I don't know who they are.

I can't tell if you'd rather know more about my relationship with King, or less. If you just want to know what's going on, or if you want to be involved, or if you'd rather keep things... separate, like you have been.

If it's the latter, it's going to be hard. Not just because I'm involved with him... I talked to him about you long before then, because you're important to both of us. And that part I can't stop.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

As you stated so eloquently before, you are free to do what you want. Last time you tried to hold back didn't do anyone any favors, did it?

But otherwise---

Hmmm, no I'd rather not be involved. Nor do I want to hear about it.

You can talk about whatever you want though. I won't know what it is so it can't hurt me. Not that you could hurt me with whatever wives gossip you have going.

[rollplayinghouse]

[looks even more confused]

Then, what—what should I have done to make you feel like you could trust me?

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[He is in full business transaction mode now.

Thank you for your patronage]

Nothing.

I suppose this isn’t a conversation about trust after all.

[rollplayinghouse]

[she is in full emotional distress mode]

Then what is it a conversation about?!

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

I wanted to know why you did that. And now I have my answer.

[rollplayinghouse]

And you're clearly upset about it!

[She makes a noise in her throat, and her fingernails dig into the bench. When she speaks again, her voice is lower]

...If there's nothing I could have done differently, then you're just unhappy about how I was thinking about it. You're angry I—guessed your feelings well enough to know you helped Heart Soldier in the game. And then that I didn't know them well enough to not steal King away to ZRAEL. Something like that?

That—fine, if so. I get it. And I'm sorry.

But I can't do it both ways. I can't ignore something because you don't want to talk about it and still treat it as important when you want me to. Not without you giving me some sign of which is which.

I'm not going to lecture you about talking about your feelings. You don't have to. But I don't like... hurting you like this.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

Sure. That.

But look. We talked about it, right? Progress. So. Now I understand the situation. And I can act accordingly.

And as I said before, you're free to do what you want.

[rollplayinghouse]

When you say "act accordingly" I feel like you mean "go back to pretending you have no expectations and therefore nothing I do affects to you." And we went through that before.

I want to make you happy.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

Then rise to the challenge. Do something that affects me.

[rollplayinghouse]

That's why I was being pointed about coming to ZRAEL, you know. I wanted to make you show you actually cared.

Which I guess I did. Just... not in the way I wanted.

[a heavy exhale. and she turns to face him directly]

So, I'll do it differently next time. Which means you'd better be ready, because I'm still not going to hold back.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[Leans forward, meeting her stare straight on]

Then let me be explicitly clear since you seem to stumble over the same problem over and over.

Forcing my hand will not work in your favor.

[rollplayinghouse]

But talking doesn't work either. You told me that, right? Yelling and lecturing is pointless. "Be more unreasonable." If I want you act a certain way, just make you.

So, don't reason with you, but also don't force you... that's definitely a challenge, but I'll figure it out.

[huffs, and with an attempt at a lighter tone—]

I guess I could always seduce you.